I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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