I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
