My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
