NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
