you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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