I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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