Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
