i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
