My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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