Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
