there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize