someone get that fucking seahorse.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
