i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just invented taco cereal.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
