My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
