i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize