We're facebook friends in real life
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
