literally had 100 drinks last night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
