we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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