I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
