If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i was born a porn star she said
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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