Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
