i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
