Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Come on in and take your pants off
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