My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
