just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize