weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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