if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize