After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
