I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
