garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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