yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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