her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
