Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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