God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
