Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
