im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
