First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
