So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
