Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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