I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
