so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
