There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
