I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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