Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
