Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
