i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
