Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
