So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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