Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
