I want to stick my p in your. b.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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