call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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