The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
