I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
