Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Houston, we have a blender
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
