could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
