you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
