I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
