I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Congratulations! We have a period
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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