She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
