So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
