Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
