why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
