I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I enjoy the company of your penis
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