I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize